Enduring Traits, Traits that Endure: Blessing or a Curse?

       In "Pandemic Personality 2.0" (see October 11th), I presented a few notable dimensions of personality, traits that characterize an individual's approach to daily life, including the more challenging circumstances, such as what we continue to endure with the pandemic. Whether it's the fear of acquiring COVID, being frustrated with the limited opportunities to move about, or longing for contact with those not always near but still dear to you. Plus the ambiguity of not knowing when or exactly what the way out (e.g., which vaccine) looks like yet. Plenty of challenges to interact with the two noted personality traits of ambiguity tolerance and locus of control. So, how did you measure up with these two? Today, I get to know your individual, unique personality better...

Getting to Know You...Getting to know all about you🎝 A show tune familiar to most of us, from the 1951 Rodgers and Hammerstein musical "The King and I", with many subsequent adaptations. As catchy and relevant today as then. Sing along with me, won't you...

       Whether I meet parents on behalf of their young child or a 'super mature' adult, part of my quest always includes identifying the major traits that define them, their 'signature' traits, if you will. The hallmarks of their emerging or highly established personality. When we are assessing youngsters, we tend to refer this as their early temperament and eventually use personality more routinely. What I want to emphasize here today is that each trait has more than one 'side' to it, that they are multidimensional (like that object inside the "Magic 8 Ball", which can turn up with either a desirable or unappreciated response). And, while some major traits are generally stable over time, they are not completely immutable--they can be gradually shaped through encounters and experiences (some of which can be arranged deliberately). A favorite saying of mine in this context: "Trait does NOT equate with fate!"

Blessing or Curse: There is not a parent around these days who would not want their child to have determination, otherwise termed perseverance, as a key component of their personality in order to make it through 2020 and beyond. A dialogue about which usually goes something like this: Me: "So you want your child to be determined, eh?" Parent: "Absolutely" Me: Spirited and tenacious?" Parent: "Oh Yeah!" Me: "Strong-willed?" Parent: "No way, not that, we have enough going against us, without junior here fighting us!" Ah yes, the 'strong-willed child", which has the initial negative connotation as being contrary to our will and our goals (true enough early on), but it can be shaped gradually and over a long course of time (sometimes the child shapes us as much as we do them) to be adaptive, productive, and yes, even a 'superpower'!. The parents in this case need a long term vision and an immediate template for how to have more 'effective' encounters with such children. I love these kids--a riot and entertaining in my office and then they go home with their parents!                                                                                                             On the other hand, apparently virtuous, desirable traits like compassion can actually have negative side effects (ever hear of 'compassion fatigue'?) and can otherwise inadvertently interfere with some other individuals learning from consequences, if poorly timed (enabling?). With adults, they are often presenting in the office when they have 'fallen off the wagon'. That is, failed to harness their traits and/or direct them in an effective manner. Upon questioning, the adult in question realizes they neither can't, nor do they really want to, extricate the trait in question--it's part of who they are. But they can and certainly should direct their various traits, their overall personalities in such a way that benefits them and on behalf of others. Similar to parents on behalf of their children, these adults benefit from reimagining and redirecting (or 'coaching').

       So, what are your major personality traits you have 'blessed' with, and how have they been manifested the past several months? How can you better direct them in the months to come? BTW, the reason I have TWO Magic 8 Balls in my office? For a second opinion, of course! 



 

 

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