Viral Vestiges: "It got the best of me" (so, then what's left?)

       Another quote with negative connotations, a statement we have all made at some time or another. While "I didn't sign up for this" (see yesterday's post) is generally made either in anticipation of or in the midst of a difficult situation, the statement under consideration here today is more often uttered after the fact, or at least as the 'game clock' is winding down. Many times made offhandedly, it refers to a situation that got out of hand (clever, eh?). After we handled a situation poorly. Interchangeable with "Not my finest moment". Regretting errors we made that impacted negatively. Finally, "It" can be another person, circumstance(s), or feeling we gave into. Given our current circumstances and the prospects for a continued, higher-than-average degree of stress associated with the pandemic for at least the next few months, I am offering you (free of charge☺) a perspective on a statement which, despite its apparent simplicity, is actually a 'pivot point' in a potentially life changing situation you are encountering.

'Pregame'- Triggers/Hot Buttons: We all have them. And the better someone knows us, the more they are familiar with what they are. Areas of vulnerability. Issues we have strong feelings about. Tough experiences from the past. Our 'Achilles heel' (recall the movie with Brad Pitt?) or soft underbelly. In a pugilistic sport like boxing or waging war, you seek to find out your opponents' weaknesses and take advantage accordingly. On the other hand, we hope that we can trust those with whom we are most acquainted to not exploit our vulnerabilities (well, besides siblings!). The key point here is that by being aware of what our soft spots are, our triggers, we can better prepare for a high risk situation or encounter. Otherwise, comments and/or experiences can catch you 'off guard'...

'In the Moment': If you find yourself overresponding ('counterpunching' -see September 16th post), perhaps to the point of emotional fatigue, before you 'lose it', you need to find a way to call "Time Out!", which I try to develop with people ahead of time in the form of a 'graceful exit plan'--I routinely tell people that in order to enter a challenging situation or prepare to encounter a challenging individual, even a three-year-old, you need an effective exit plan (I lightheartedly refer to it as 'Xanax in my purse'--knowing it's there gives me a measure of confidence and I probably won't need to use it). Other coaching lines which I hope people can hear me yelling from the sidelines at this critical point in the sequence include "Catch yourself before it's too late" and one that should resonate loudly, "Get hold of yourself!" (you mean like a selfie straightjacket coach!?). Besides hearing the voice of another, the sound of your own voice should be a strong guide here (whether internal or external like when you are yelling in the car with no audience present--"I got myself worked up, I'm my own worst enemy!"). That is, voice in the form of  volume, tone, and cadence--all of which can either exacerbate or ameliorate an encounter (and you thought such a simple statement was simple!)...

'Post Game' - Improving your game plan: So, game over and you are now in a place of regret. Time for self-reflection, self-correction, NOT self-deprecation, the latter of which simply serves to add another layer of regret. Our 'game film' comes in the form of an emotionally honest appraisal of what we did right as well as where/how we went awry. An effective coach in any domain will show their players what they did correct, then "now I'm going to show you how you can be better" ("please do, that's why you're the coach!"). For us, this includes errors of commission (i.e., things we did or said we wish we could do over) and, just as importantly, errors of omission (things we wish we would have done or said and no longer have the opportunity). This, in order to better your game plan for the next situation, especially when we are in such a 'target rich' environment... 

A Work in Progress: More often than not, what is called for when we hear ourselves making such a statement, is not a complete 'do over', but the recognition we are in the midst of an ongoing game, a game with many remaining chapters, a game with many unanticipated and/or unwelcome changes in the rules of engagement ('vicissitudes'!). We need to capitalize on our  accumulated experiences, including perceived failures, to establish a strong learning curve. Because, as Country Joe McDonald (1973) and other prophets from yesteryear have forewarned us, "Hold on, it's coming...hold on it's almost here..." (underlining mine)...

The Final Say:  My ultimate hope for you and for me is that, when looking back in a year or so (🤞,🙏), we might replace "It got the best of me" with another strong self-statement, such as "I did my personal best" or even "It brought out the best in me!" An ongoing conversation with ourselves...

Upcoming Posts: Enduring Traits                                                                                                                                             Signs, Signs...                                                                                                                                                 Forging Ahead, Foraging Behind                                                                                                                 COVID Contrails                                                                                                                                         Trials and Tribulations                                                                                                                                 Pandemic Packaging                                                                                                                                    The 'Russian Connection', Parts 1 & 2: Ivan and Igor                                                                                                       

(these are more to prompt me than to lure you!)