Pining, then Whining - "Do You Want it, or Not?!" Vexinations - Part 3

Rolling it out, Rolling it up: The vaccines and your sleeve, that is. Well, the first vaccines are arriving on the scene, distant ones at that. The Russians and the Brits have issued press releases the past few days regarding their respective rollouts. Last week Russian President Putin ordered his government to start a large scale vaccination program, which was 'launched' with Sputnik V injections on Saturday, December 5th (some of us remember the actual launch of the first Russian Sputnik, a major spark in the space race). And this morning (really early here while I tuned in), the Brits announced they had officially started their own COVID-19 vaccination program with the Pfizer vaccine. After so many months of the world pining for a vaccine, it's finally here and it's not fake news!.

Taking a Jab at Maggie: The first Brit to undergo the needle, after only queuing briefly, was a 90 year-old hospital volunteer hailing originally from Northern Ireland, Margaret Keenan. No doubt to become the poster child for the UK and vaccination programs worldwide, she advised the world, "Go for it, go for it because it's free and it's the best thing that has ever happened...If I can do it, so can you...I wasn't nervous at all..." Perhaps the nurse who took aim at Maggie, Mary Parsons (originally from the Philippines), was a bit nervous, mixed with a great sense of relief: "The last months have been tough at the NHS (National Health Service) but now there is light at the end of the tunnel...I'm just glad I'm able to play a part on this historic day". The NHS administration harmonized with Mary -- British Health Secretary Matt Hancock and Stephen Powers, the medical director for NHS, both testified they found it emotional watching the vaccine program rollout. This, after so many months of distress and pining for a medical solution to this dreadful virus. Finally when asked how she felt shortly after her injection, Maggie simply said..."Privileged". You paparazzi out there were probably hoping for something more dramatic, controversial, story worthy, such as "nauseous, terrible".

Return of the Whiners: A staple of  "Saturday Night Live" in the earlier days, when it was actually worth staying up for (versus today's SNL which I can almost predict a week in advance, with only ho-hum writing and uninspiring actors), was "The Whiners", featuring Joe Piscopo and Robin Duke as Doug and and Wendy Whiner. One of my favorite episodes involved "Having a Baby" -- after the Whiners, in their trademark style, find multiple problems for multiple options the specialist posed, the doctor finally loses his patience with them. And, when he finally offers 'artificial insemination' as an alternative, the Whiners have a whining extravaganza! Fast forward to this very day, in anticipation of vaccine queues here in the U.S., following a protracted period of pining for a viral solution. Now that day has almost arrived, after so many reports of COVID spikes, we are now experiencing another spike...in whining and complaints about the very thing we have yearned for!!! It's as if these people are auditioning for an episode "The Whiners get Vaccinated" -- "How come we still have to wait if the Brits and Russkies already HAVE it?..." But how do I know the results are TRUE?..."Intramuscular and subcutaneous injections--OMG!! "But I don't WANT to go first!"..."But I don't WANT to go last!"..."Stick me with a needle full of WHAT?! ....all heard with the same volume and whiny tone of Wendy and Doug, of course. Personally, I'm growing tired of these whiners to the point of starting to whine myself. Just answer the question, DO YOU OR DON'T YOU WANT THE DAMN THING?!

SNL Encore: The other skit I also looked forward to was John Belushi's "Samurai" series (e.g., "Samurai Optometrist", in which he donned the ceremonial garb and wielded a Samurai sword at the most inopportune moments). Can you imagine such a character showing up to give us vaccinations? Perhaps it would quell the whining...Samurai Phlebotomist!

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