Perspiration, Inspiration...Comic Relief!

Dedication Reprise: In addition to the strategy for sustaining myself in times of weariness I shared with you here three days ago, I also rely on humor at such times. Given the number of times I have pushed you to your physical limits I have decided you deserved a day off, and am hereby granting it through this post dedicated to comic relief.

"What About Bob?" Bob Newhart, that is, one of my favorite comedians whose career I followed for several decades (not just because he portrayed a psychologist on television in one of his varied roles), known for his creativity and deadpan style. One of my favorite 'schticks' he made popular was, while holding a phone receiver, having us imagine who was on the receiving end as well as their responses, many times transporting us through time as well. Today I'm going to try my best imitation in written form, by having you imagine, shortly after the phone was invented, a farmer ("Jack", I would guess), while trying to call an agricultural clearing house for some crop advice, instead gets connected to a contemporary fitness center, where "Amazing Tom, Tom" answers...

FJ: "Hello...hello...operator, can you please connect me to the Beanery, Greenery?"

AT&T: "Hey, this is Amazing, Amazing Tom Tom...what's happening, dude?

FJ: "I'll say it's amazing all right. I'm trying to get hold of someone for crop advice during this drought we're havin' in these parts and I get someone who addresses me as dude...I'm not an expert on horses, I'm all about beans and greens..."

AT&T: "So you're all dried out there? Dude, you need to hydrate; we tell everyone here that and we have plenty of awesome ways to get there..."

FJ: "Yeh, well I would also need some extra help to get the water to my crops--water's heavy ya' know"

AT&T: "Well, you called the right place Jack; we have a lot of heavy lifters here"

FJ: "Whadya' mean heavy lifters, like one of those new fangled contraptions we've been seeing around these parts lately?"

AT&T: "I don't know about your equipment but our guests lift weights to get into shape"

FJ: "Whadya' mean weights, like buckets of water, sand, and grain?"

AT&T: "Like barbells and dumb bells that you can buy at Dick's and off of Amazon"

FJ: "You gotta' be a dumb bell to buy such things...you mean you actually lift these things on purpose when you don't have to down on the farm?"

AT&T: "It builds muscle and bone mass and also helps with stamina"

FJ: "Stamina...sounds ,more like a scamina to me...gettin' people to come in and pay good money to lift these things when we gotta' pay farm hands to lend a hand...well, you should see them after a few months here, after tending to the crops and spreading crap"

AT&T: "We have a lot of people around here these days spreading crap as well. But they do it without breaking a sweat by simply clicking a mouse with their finger"

FJ: "You say they put their finger on a mouse on purpose--wow, you got lots of dumb bells, don't y'all?!"

AT&T: "Well, have to admit, we do get some dummies trying to come in her without masks these days--they should know better by now"

FJ: "We only wear masks while spreading crap, and we make sure our hands have those heavy duty gas masks while doin' so..."

AT&T: "Dude, what a brilliant idea! If we put gas masks on every crap spreader around here it would sure cut down how much _ _ _ _ we have to sift through each day to get news we can actually use...Jack, can me meet up at Starbucks for, maybe a latte or a drop of Joe?" 

FJ: "Latte, Starbucks?!" I never heard such bartering around here, and the last time I dropped Joe was when he insulted my wife". I gotta' go before the operator disconnects me again...but nice talking with you, it reminded me that you city folks ain't so bad for a bunch of dumb bells...gotta' get back to my crap, I mean my crops..."

AT&T: "Yeh, I have to get hydrated and back tending to my own dumb bells here...see ya' around campus Jack!"

...Trust you found this 'uplifting'😁