Talk about Being at Odds: Offense, Defense, having a ball...Psychological Dynamics! 

Feeling the Need: To elaborate, that is. In part because the last post was so brief (which many found welcome). In part because, despite the simple truths of the value of engagement X 3 (see September 23rd, only takes a minute) left many still unmotivated, 'unmoved'. And because, even if you initially appreciated my words of encouragement, exhortation, attempts to motivate, stir you into action (mentally, physically, socially), you still might be feeling a bit defensive, even found what I said a bit offensive! Why, you might ask yourself...?

Why?! Let Me Explain: Good question, glad you asked; let me elaborate...well, let me provide a partial explanation in this field of psychology, which still provides me and you with many frontiers to explore, to unlock the true secrets of what motivates and sustains us, especially under the most difficult conditions...for why, earlier in our life, for example, circumstances that were incredibly off-putting, even traumatic, may have become a 'crucible' for developing psychological defense mechanisms, even systems, for warding off threats -- threats that may include the experience of unwanted, unwelcome feelings later...defenses that still may show up from time to time (if not daily), even when the prevailing circumstances are no longer present, when other circumstances in our daily lives that may only loosely resemble the original crime, especially when I am feeling highly vulnerable (i.e., especially abusive situations, threats of abandonment, separation), may end up triggering these defenses when I am hardly aware of them (aka partial consciousness, subconscious)...defenses that once served me, but now end up becoming a bit offensive, may even end up unintentionally putting off others, even alienating me from ME. In the occasional case where it actually seems to be "working for me" it may represent a type of...

Gaining the Advantage, Secondary Gain: That someone might derive from symptoms, indirect benefit, frequently in the form of physical symptoms or 'debility' --gains that may include disability benefits (sometimes referred to as malingering, aka "fakers" here), personal attention (including for negative, defensive, offensive behaviors), or escape from unpleasant situations or responsibilities (as in "I can't do my homework, chores as I have a stomachache"...how timely). We've all seen this as well as done it, in one form or another. Also related to another psychological phenomena that we have all witnessed, participated in, whether consciously or unwittingly...

Doing the Two Step, Side Step: Where we have unintentionally reinforced negative or otherwise unwanted behaviors by our own behavior -- highly relevant to parenting, such as when we initially laugh the first time our child says or does something, then find it embarrassing when it happens later ("we never talk that way at home!") or, in an attempt to gain peace in the family we compromise with a strong-willed, frequently tyrannical child (or adult): "give your brother the toy, maybe it will shut him up!". This includes how our own over-defensiveness may have started for one reason but the at least intermittently reinforced by others giving way to us, getting our way...intermittent underlined as it is a powerful force in "Behavior Modification" for maintaining a behavior after continuous or consistent reinforcement helped to shape an initial behavior -- relevant to both animal and US training. So how do I know that...

"Enough is Enough!" Or, just "Enough!" for short? Who hasn't heard this, said this to their own children or significant other? Or, in other words, "I've had it...I'm so over this!" (heard a lot of this refrain lately applied to the pandemic circumstances) -- usually a recognition or reflection of some pretty strong emotions of the moment, perhaps in response to those (defensive/offensive) behaviors, emotions of another...a manifestation of your own defenses preparing to martial a response, a 'counterattack' of your own. At which time, probably a good idea to call a "time out ref!" or "huddle up!" in order to better organize a better defense and offense. Many times when people seek out counsel of others, whether it be another parent, spouse, friend ("is it ME, or...?"), or even a professional 'coach'...All in an attempt to be more aware, more deliberate, more effective, and ultimately, be better prepared for...

Game Time! Having fun yet? Psychological dynamics: "Even-up"*

*as in "adjust for, counterbalance, compensate for"; or "without odds or handicap being granted by either side in or bet or competition" -- either way, I anticipate a WIN! Well, at least now you're better prepared...