EFFECTIVE En(Counters), Counter(Acting) "Difficult": Pause before Claws

Critical Thinking, Critical Terms, Criticism: All of which are critically, instrumentally involved, primarily responsible for the (In)Effectiveness of engaging pugnacious people, quarrelsomeness..."Difficult Children" (see previous few posts for elaboration and operational definition). Accepting "My Terms" here is critical in reading, absorbing, and effectively implementing the ideas and strategies from the next few posts. And why, I'm bothering to bother you with what appears to be trivia, minutiae. It's not just that today is Halloween as I write this, but also because in the best laid, conceptualized plans, the "devil's often in the details". So, I offer just a few operational definitions of terms that, once you have "Accepted" ("click here"), will allow you a better chance yourself to pause, think, and more effectively respond, perhaps tempering your response prior to (reacting) responding to an ill-tempered individual...child of all ages...prior to attempting simply claw your way to victory (Mutually Assured Destruction more likely). All this, prior to proceeding to "One Last Chance, Dance"

Critical (Thinking!), My Terms: As in the "Rule of Logic", as in an attempt to over-rule unruliness, before and after the fact. Critical in engaging criticism, thinking before and after acting. The term ("critical thinking") refers to a discussion in which there is disagreement (why else would you be in my office?), utilizing logic and bringing forth facts to either support or refute a point ("Everyone else gets to stay out until 3; all my friends are getting a PS? for Christmas...no one else has such STUPID rules in their home...!"). Thinking that is fully aware (first product in an effective counseling encounter is increasing awareness), guarding against the natural human tendency to self-deceive and rationalize to selfishly get what we want. Otherwise known as a 'dose of humility', a key ingredient, frequently missing, all-too-often underappreciated. 

EFFECTIVE: As in..."Effectively describes things, people, and strategies -- policies, treatments, techniques, arguments(!) -- all of which either individually or collectively (as in parents together, even if apart) -- do what they intended to do". A slight but important distinction here from "accomplishing what they set out to" -- the latter usually referring to wanting, hoping for immediate compliance in a defiant darling or other difficult person with whom you find yourself having to engage. A critical distinction, acceptance of the idea of EFFECTIVE as carrying out an intention versus immediate outcome, an outcome which with individuals we are concerning ourselves with here may be "slow in coming"...if at all (depending, in turn, on how you define compliance).

Do-Si-Do: A basic dance step in such styles as the square dance (as opposed to "squaring off!"), polka, contra dance, where two dancers, partners (loosely interpreted here) who, after initially facing each other, pass each other back-to-back (as opposed to facing off!) and return to their original positions. Usually takes 6-8 counts (as opposed to a "standing 8 count!" in boxing, what I frequently invoke in my office to pause the action). Nicely conceptualized, practiced...gracefully implemented(?) 

Ready to Dance, the Dance of Conflict?

"Trick or Treat, What a Feat!" (posting two posts in one morning -- could it be the M&M's I sampled from the Halloween stash?)