Experiencing disdain? Time for refrain...

A Rising Tide, A Torrent of sorts: As in "A rising tide raises all boats", a literal as well as metaphorical application around these parts, these days...from the actual floods around the nation, the world, as well as our own neighborhood earlier this summer (clean-up just getting completed for some, arguments with insurance companies ongoing), which actually followed the torrent ("a violent or forceful flow of liquid"). And here we are, all of us also experiencing and witnessing a flood of emotions, a torrent of sorts ("a sudden, violent and copious outpouring of something, typically words or feelings" Numerous reports, documentaries in the written and visual media, for example, on the increased numbers of us who have been experiencing more anxiety and sadness/depressive symptoms due to in no small measure to the forces of the pandemic. I started writing about these strong emotions early and often, the presence of prescience that these, among other feelings, would be rising to the surface at a higher frequency as well as intensity (two measures of 'episodes' I utilize in my office at baseline and to chart progress). These are feelings we can all relate to, as well as the other three emotions depicted on "Inside Out" (i.e., joy, disgust, and anger!). But what about other feelings which seemed to have caught a ride, finding their way to the surface of our emotional life as well, those which we may want to both be aware, beware, keep a handle on, lest they be unleashed...those that may themselves unionize due to their underrepresentation on "Inside Out"...such as "disdain!" In other words, feeling contempt for someone or something regarded as unworthy or inferior: scorn -- UGH, may need a HUG!

In Harmony: If you, yourself are experiencing a state of being disdainful, or are told you are the target of disdain, I can harmonize, empathize, even sympathize (points and feelings of engagement in therapeutic encounters). We have all been there and may be at more risk these days, indirectly due to the other core feelings Pixar and I introduced you to, which have been tagging along our whole lives but showing up more so the past several months. Good to be aware, Step One in any therapeutic endeavor. Step Two is to be consider if/how you want to engage the feeling at hand, whether you want to attempt directing, redirecting it, having it direct you, or refraining from engaging (e.g. "I'm gonna' commit myself to thinking about this later, but for now..."). Being disdainful or, on the other hand, being the target of disdain, is commonplace but not as common in our emotional vocab as the other core characters, but it may be now...along with some other strong, underrepresented (?) emotions...what are your favorites, the ones that start with a trickle, then a stronger visceral awareness, a fomenting, culminating in...?! 

Being Put Off, Putting Off: Those that create emotional distance, that put us off from others, those that we, ourselves might well consider putting off, as in "I'm not sure how I feel about that; can I get back to you?" In other words, instead of indulging a negative emotion, such as disdain and countless others, why not buy some time, put off engaging it for a bit, and come back to it, to see if it still resonates as loudly, at which time you can then engage with 'cooler minds' and on your own time, rather than reacting to another, when it suited them to 'come at you' with whatever off putting emotion of their own. Pretty effective, most of the time, in my experience. And, contrary to expectations, instead of holding them in disdain, contempt, scorn, why not hold them close to you (at least metaphorically)? Or even holding them up in thought or prayer, depending on your spiritual persuasion...they can't stop you and you may actually surprise yourself, that instead of this moment of disdain, by lifting up another (when they least expect, deserve, or even want it), may end up as an uplift to YOU. A rising tide, indeed.