First Words...Lasting Impressions

Greetings and Salutations! So, how would you feel if, upon greeting someone for the first time, coming to my office for an initial visit, you are told, "This is a last ditch effort...an act of desperation...we are only here because we ran out of options..." Would you consider this a strong endorsement? Despite the negative resonance, I have come to process these words as an opportunity to serve, as well as pressure to perform (because, if I can't help them, what are they gonna do, where are they gonna go from here?) On the other hand, how would you be impacted if instead, the newcomer cited, "You come highly recommended...you have a strong reputation..." Highly affirming, no less a pressure to perform (HIGH expectations!) and no doubt an equally compelling invitation to be of service. Both being trumped by daughter informing me that, after years of building up relationships with other professionals, schools, and community groups, I can finally "relax"...because I earned a top rating on the local "Mom Swap"..."You know, dad, they're not an easily impressed group of women" Talk about pressure! So, how do you generally try to initially engage others you hope to either serve or with whom you hope to form a sustained relationship? And, how do you respond to various types of invitations to be of service to others? Do you respond better, regardless of what venue or domain you find yourself, to the 'consumer' in question setting low or high expectations?

"After all is said..." Beyond the over used phrase (almost to the point of hackneyed, "blah, blah, blah..." level) "Okay, so they can talk the talk, but..." what is it that needs to be done, what exactly is that you, others, after the effective salutations and encouraging words, do to sustain relationships and, after you are gone (temporarily, or...), leave a more lasting impression? In Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning", most of which was written in the crucible of concentration camps (he started it prior to being 'arrested' by the Nazis, who immediately destroyed the manuscript), the Foreword in a later edition includes an encounter between a highly successful businessman and the Nazi officials who have occupied his town: after he has, upon 'invitation', presented a collection of awards, commendations, and written references from colleagues, the Nazis in turn unceremoniously throw them into a trash can and burn them: "There, now you have nothing!" As the writer cites, at that moment and those we can all relate to, the once proud man was "stripped down to his character...". This is followed by Frankl disclosing frequent unexpected acts of selflessness between prisoners, unrelated men who, while starving and frigid, gave up morsels of food and tattered pieces of clothing to others who they sensed may be in even more need. Acts of extreme kindness, acts of mercy, that baffled the guards and then the officials who had collectively sought to beat them into hopelessness, Godlessness. When all is said and done, will people who have been witness to our lives reflect, "What a character...a person of great character...or...?") 

Daily Opps, Missed Deeds: Each and every day we all have plenty of opportunities to make a difference, to extend what have, what we can do, what we are, on behalf of others, who may very well be in more need. This has always been true, preceding the past several pandemic months, but perhaps even more so during the past year and a half, a time during which we were witness (whether up close or from a distance) to acts of selfishness (e.g., people hoarding supplies in stores, leaving others wanting), in contrast to more selfless behavior (people preemptively offering another something from their cart, a place in line...), each of which left a lasting impression, if only for that day and the next. Then, of course, are the more 'routine' acts of front liners, ranging from hospital staff to grocery clerks, who just continue to do what they were trained for, but certainly did not expect nor sign up for. Yep, they're still out there folks, many of which have neared or already reached burnout status. Who could really use words of encouragement and/or appreciation (even if they don't readily accept them, acting as if they did not need or expect them), if not other acts on their behalf, those we witnessed more routinely early in the pandemic when they were celebrated by many of us as heroes -- when was the last time any of us (ME included) thought to send a free meal, note of appreciation, any other tangible measure, to these folks? Something to consider, if not act on...

       Also a good time to pause and reflect, regarding regrets of something we have said or done that in retrospect, was either ill-considered or poorly implemented -- 'acts of commission', after which we hope for instant replay, an opportunity for a do-over (in golf referred to as a "mulligan" which has found its way into more universal usage). While these are certainly present in all our lives (if not daily at least intermittently), in my professional practice at least, I find that 'errors of omission' -- those lost opportunities, regrets of not having said or done something when we had the chance, are more frequently and more profoundly present...

"At the end of the day" While perhaps another overused phrase these days, nonetheless a time I frequently realize, after asking first thing in the morning as part of a devotional, for an opportunity to make a difference, to be of some help, that I may have blown an Opp, either because the opportunity did not present itself in a way I would readily recognize, expect, accept it...or, just as likely, because it presented at time of inconvenience. Regrettable -- there's never a good time, never a bad time...