Post Dance Post - futility finale, utility in unison: Going the (Dis)stance

One Person's Protest - The Last word, The Final Straw: A key concept, before I give you yet another valuable tool, one that has been sharpened from years of experience with so many of you and your families. That defiance or a synonym, protest, is a manifestation of many psychological dynamics, ranging from standing up for a cause, sacrificing one's own privileges and rights on behalf of another, to just making a lot of noise, to cause a cacophony in the house, and on to a full-blown rancorous riot, which can, if it gets carried away, result in destruction of property, even loss of life. Where one becomes the other is, of course, partly defined by the eye of the participant(s) versus that of the beholder. A topic of hot, ongoing debate in and around The House and your home. What I/we are primarily concerned with today and what I have been writing to you about here the least week or so, is that involving a child, whether a toddler who is staking out their first battle lines or a more experienced, entrenched angsty adolescent...that is, "one person protests", that are probably in turn a result of a stand we as parents have taken, consequences we are in the midst of implementing, that they are not finding palatable. Which, at first glance, is yet another irritant in our 'dance' (see 11/2 post). On the other hand, isn't it better for your child, the apparent antagonist of the moment, to be more transparent, rather than ostensibly agree with you and proceed to either go clandestine, sneak behind your back...? Think about it and it will temper your temper, you'll come to see their protest as a tacit indication of your power and control, just an attempt to distract and divert...if you respond to such protest, that's on you; you've just managed to prolong the encounter. While it may bug you big time to let them have the final word, you have your hand on the final straw...see? So, disengaging when you are being 'dissed', when you are getting p_ _ _ _ _, is highly effective, especially if it's graceful (go about your business quietly, "talk to the hand") versus abrupt ("I TOLD you, I'm so DONE!") In the matter of the latter case, the provoking person may pick up on the fact that you're actually not (done), that you can be lured back in...

Final Solution, Absolution: "But they're (trying to) make me feel guilty, make me lose my temper..." A highly distracting tendency for US when engaged with the enraged, is to get 'suckered in' to comments, insinuations, that are arranged, designed to get under our skin, to make us feel guilty, for instance...when, ironically, if I were to pick the antagonist in the situation, the person that should actually feel a degree of compunction for so much disruption, it is the issuer of such statements. In which case best to put both the feeling and the issuer of the accusation ("you never cared about me...you love my sister more...you make me sad when you say such things...") on IGNORE. Which is likely to be followed by either stronger statements, gestures, especially if you have been responding to such statements before, doing the dance. Such as in "Fatal Attraction"  (1987 starring Glen Close and Michael Douglas) where, after 'he' resolved to cease contact altogether, 'she' orchestrated a most heinous act that in turn prompted 'him' to call 'her', at which time 'she' uttered the now classic line "I will not be ignored" SCARY!! Which is why, if you are entertaining any notion to encounter such difficult people home or abroad, it's a good idea to...

One Last Step, the 'After Party', a "no,go"...come back here!...one more time