The After-Party: from "no, go" to "it's a no go!" 

SO, "...how was it, where ya goin' after...?" Questions that are highly aligned with reflections on the event just passed or that yet to come, whether asked by a fellow party goer or a parent, regarding the event after the dance just attended (at least that's what you told your parent). 'After-Parties' have always been around since the advent of modern adolescence around this region, but has become more of staple, a new rite of passage, and more recognizable term in the discourse between the few younger generations and their parents. And one more reason for either a harmonious discussion or a point of conflict. I am making convenient, liberal use of this theme as a sort of bonus round for those who have not tired of this mini series on progressing from actions more futile to those you might find more effective (i.e., utility), to share with you a strategy that is both easy to conceptualize, rehearse, and even implement, one that will undoubtedly find its way into the chapter "This stuff always works😀" when I get back to writing my book I started before this blog came along, when you and I agree this pandemic is sufficiently wound down...

Knowing Thyself, Other: From the countless encounters you have had, even by the time your "Challenging Child has arrived at the "Terrible Two's" ("They were already difficult...OMG!"), or certainly by the time you have been challenged by your tyrannical teen ("You would think I'd be ready for this after being  a teen myself, but she sure got the best of me!"). Enough encounters at least to be able to anticipate, predict that your child of any age will, in addition to their own 'nature' (e.g., "she's never been a morning person...I know not to approach him when he's hangry..."), respond in at least a mildly contrary manner when you utter the words "No" or "You must go...". On the other hand, you, yourself, have many situations that, whether forced/obligated by another (probably your spouse) or actually inclined but nervous to attend an event, you want to declare it a "No Go!". In both cases, what I have come to discover over four decades in the field of play with you called LIFE, to be undervalued initially but highly appreciated once I have introduced it to you, is that under all these conditions it is always wise to have...(big buildup here, drum roll please...)...

A Good (graceful) Exit Plan...Xanax in My Purse: Or, on my person at least. Literally, metaphorically, at least. A plan or an aide that I can call upon (who you gonna' call?) when the ambient temperature starts rising, before our anxiety results in manifest perspiration (or something even more embarrassing😓). What I have been offering as advice on behalf of those who have to enter situations or are preparing to engage a more challenging, otherwise difficult individual(s), is to first rehearse an exit -- that is, to actually practice leaving before going. Especially 😎 if you can do so gracefully, with finesse -- ergo, a 'graceful exit plan', in contrast to one that is abrupt! Exiting gracefully, on your terms, once you have rehearsed it and even practiced implementing it 'in situ' (or at least an approximation of reality): 1) lessens your anxiety about being stuck in a situation, feeling trapped, with no way out; 2) lessens the chance you'll have to reach for the Xanax or have to actually implement the exit plan; and 3) increases your staying power...you might actually enjoy it if you stick around long enough.

And NOW, as Paul Harvey used to intone, "You know the rest of the story" And here ends the mini-series, ta-da!