Loosening, Firming Up, Your Resolve- Part 2 (and last post for 2021😔)

Learning Incidentally, Instrumentally, a double dose: As taught to me (and several colleagues, classmates, now friends), by my/our main mentor who, himself was first our professor, then psychologist extraordinaire, and for me (TG😄!) an eventual lifelong friend, who first modeled and then commented casually (as in "Incidentally..."), eventually followed by more formal conversation (as in "You got a minute; I'd like to talk to you about something that occurred earlier..."), more instrumental learning...the first lesson, ingredient of which has served me not just professionally as a psychologist but in other domains of life as well..."You're breaking Rule #1..." as in:

"Don't take Yourself too seriously!" The first time I recall this utterance in the office occurred when my mentor, just after I had extended, inconvenienced myself, gave up my lunch hour to see someone "in crisis" after I found myself being underappreciated, found me in a combination of bewilderment, resentment, even a bit crestfallen, introduced me to the aforementioned Rule, which was also accompanied by his 'encouraging', sagacious words "No good deed goes unpunished" Huh?! That's the best encouragement he could come up with under these circumstances, after all his years of professional practice and teaching?! Oh...I finally got it, after some additional explanation, and plenty of additional such experiences in the office, after some more formal conversation over lunch, more instrumental learning. That is, even under the best of circumstances, when you have extended yourself, tried to be of assistance, given the best of your scholarly advice, a morsel of wisdom...despite all of this, people may not always appreciate you, let alone respond with any reciprocity. The realization of which was initially quite disappointing, until it came to be paired with the second ingredient, a reminder, exhortation from my mentor, that when people appreciate us that's all fine and good but even under the foregoing circumstances, it is timely to remind ourselves of "Rule #2", which is:

"Always take Your service to Others seriously" Which he clarified, qualified, to include service to "others" both in and out of the office: "Here, at home..." A Rule he first modeled, then more formally taught us to be the foundation of any professional practice, instrumental relationships, and one which I eventually found myself, as my career advanced, offering to others in various word forms. Reminding us that being appreciated was not the primary reason we came into this professional field or another relationship, and it would not always be what sustained us. Instead, the conviction that, even when we are not appreciated (perhaps especially is what I think he first mentioned...) service to others is worth doing ("You'll never regret doing a good job, good deed on behalf of another..."). An accumulation of experience a colleague/friend tutored by the same mentor reflected on over lunch a few years ago: "He taught us we can't not do a good job..." Followed by many additional professional/life lessons reflecting both Rules, which once again have elements, ingredients of:

Incidental/Instrumental pairings: The most recent and among the most powerful for me, came in the form of a Christmas card, left on the reception desk a few days before Christmas: "You used to come into the convenience store where I was a clerk and first thanked me for my service, followed by some friendly conversation, and eventually you encouraged me when you found out I was also trying to go to college while working full time and supporting another family member, which I eventually finished and started a different career...your encouragement was instrumental, and I am writing to thank you..." You just never know. This experience will no doubt sustain me in the days, years to come, and I hope will encourage you as well. You just never know. Which I hope, along with me, can continue to be reflected in a collective daily devotional -- that I/we will continue to look for opportunities to be of help, make a difference, and when such opportunities present themselves, we not only recognize them but have the courage to step up. While NOT a guarantee that every day will be filled with happiness or appreciation for you, IS one guaranteed to bring meaning to every day and year to come. 

And to lighten your load, paring this pairing back to the bare minimum, so as to ensure recall and compliance, when all is said and done, starting with your daily devotional and ending with a reflection on the day, just remember to:

"Ease Up, Seriously!"