Shake, Rattle, and Roll: What Really Divides, Unites Us

The Great Shake-up: You'll note, if you follow here with any (ir)regularity (spoiler alert/ foreshadowing), my propensity to mix up this series, the serious business of the pandemic which has dragged on into the holiday season once again, for the second time around, with lighter topics, topics about light, some fun and frolic, an attempt to lighten up what can otherwise be a Debbie Downer blog,  similar to a strategy employed by the major news networks to ensure viewership the following night, keep us coming back for more "BREAKING NEWS!" In this particular post you'll find a mixture of both...one which starts with a few solemn statements, the importance of staying united, strong as families, communities, and a larger scale...and then ends at a place which, well, really kind of 'bottoms out'.

"United WE Stand": A well-known slogan, the opposite of which "Divided WE Fall" could have just as easily been on the other side of the jersey -- that which was worn by players representing one of our major military academies facing off against the other on the gridiron last weekend, in the annual "Army-Navy" game*, a game which ignites a strong sense of rivalry within and between households, but also galvanizes an even stronger sense of unity and pride nation-wide. Accompanied by bands, drum lines whose rhythms and volume get us revved up, while the drumbeat of the mainline press tries to remind us why and how we are divided (albeit a bit less the farther we are from the most recent election, until the next rolls around). Like I've said before here many times over now in response, this is nothing new throughout our history or that of our globe -- we've always found things to dispute about, ranging from more serious things, precious resources, commodities...to other things that, on the surface, seem so benign, so harmless, even, well...lighter topics -- such as where, when, and what kind of lights to put up around the holidays (see "Tinsel Town", December 3, 2020). While it was lights last year, I am here once again to bring you into the light -- the light of being well-informed, regarding another seemingly harmless object, one which has even been cherished throughout the ages and worldwide, which now finds itself dividing people, mom against dad, generation against generation...Oh No, say it isn't so...Get ready to...

Shake, Rattle and Roll!: The title of a big hit (C.1954), which itself is a hot topic this time of year, one which itself ignites animated debate -- about the best songs of the year, the decade, the ALL TIME BESTIES! But what I am referring to here is another kind of sweet music, one which allows for an infinite, individualized form of rhythm, accompanied under the best of circumstances by a harmony of cooing...The "Baby Rattle" 😊😢! Yes, this object of sweet affection given to and by new parents to innocent infants, to keep them company, content, 'quiet' (if you define quiet by the incessant rattle, which you eventually learn to tune into first, then tune out as sleep deprived parents) -- this 'thing' has become the latest hot topic to divide households, extended families, even communities where they're manufactured. 

In, out of the mouths of babes, "Don't tread on, blame me": A harmless device, designed to not only "do no harm" (an oath of many practitioners), but bring a bit of calm to the storm, has come under attack. "Babies-R-Us" filed for bankruptcy and thus, does not have the resources to combat this movement, but babies the world over, becoming aware of this divisive state of affairs (which were, of course, incited by adults), are starting to mobilize, crawling, not quite stepping up, to defend this object of affection, one which symbolizes a rite/right of passage for many generations in the past. Their defense, simply put (if you can interpret baby-speak): "Don't blame us, we didn't invent it, didn't purchase it, didn't ask for it, didn't even put it our crib...just found it suddenly placed in our hand; innocent consumers we are! And please don't tell us not to cry over spilled milk here...it's about all we got at this age, holy cow!" In any case, the babes are now having to overhear adults in the house wrangling, making a lot of their own noise over this noise maker -- whether they should have given it to us babies in the first place or leave us to develop 'self-calming' strategies mental health gurus are talking about these days, whether they should rely on the time tested, 'natural' type of rattles or invest in an updated digitized type with lots of apps to occupy us...whether to put it in our left, right, or see our predisposition to handedness by placing it in our midline...whether they should buy the kind that doubles as a teether, putting the extra $1.50 into "the cherub's college fund"...and finally, now that the FDA has cleared more OTC products on our behalf, put some scents on the rattle, to see if it prompts us to rattle, roll more...all sorts of early body movements (or 'out of body', depending on how much time we spend with it, consume the 'perfume'). And, adding insult to injury, these grown-ups are also arguing over whether to let us hold it all, or place it on our wrist like all those silly watches they all seem to be ga-ga goo-gle about, which allow them to monitor every bodily function imaginable, like when I need to be fed, burped, cuddled...YOU try to roll around with this thing on your wrist, and trying to get it off with this new powerful Velcro stuff, another invention of the grown-ups, ALL without our permission...all this supposedly to achieve a state of contentment, settle us down...

Finally Settled, Settled Down: OK, so the parents and those selling to parents, once they get this settled, after they settle us down, need to move on to what's really dividing us, the dividing line, move on down to the bottom line, the place that divides US, otherwise known as...the line in our bottoms! (talk about a rite of passage!) Yep, now the great emergent debate is whether to change the way we are changed, now that the "baby bidet" has found its way into many homes, once again without consulting us, without our permission, without us signing the bottom line. What this particular baby and those I've been crawling around with will opt for this Christmas, the preferred app, comes in the form of Nanny Alexa: "Hey Alexa, after playing holiday music, telling us the weather report, and giving us the recipe for hot cider...change the baby, Would Ya please?!" Now that's something we could all agree on, a real uniter..."Thanks Alexa!"

                                                                                                                                                                      *BTW: If you liked the Army-Navy, found the pageantry appealing (including the pregame "prisoner exchange" of cadets who had attended the other's institution for new leadership insights), and are still looking for a last minute holiday gift (even a selfie), check out Sally Jenkins' "The Real All Americans", another account of two foes who found themselves coming together on the gridiron, how this emerging American past time first divided, then united.