My, how things have...the more things change, the more... words and messages to parent by.

("Change the message; the Mission remains intact")

"Maybe, maybe not": or, "perhaps, perhaps not". Words we all lived by. The ones that flowed out of our parents' mouths (versus "out of the mouths of babes"), as if reflexively, their 'go to' default statement, whenever they needed to buy a few minutes, put us at a distance. In response to a wide range of "Can I's?"...from a "sucker before dinner..." to "a new puppy dog..." to "just one more online game with friends before going to bed..." and arriving at "stay out until...all my friends can...come on!" Responses that we as kids derive a degree of hope. They were at least equivocating, about to cave in, if I just played my hand right...just the right amount of persistence coupled with some (disingenuous) appeals, affectations, ingratiating comments...a recipe to get from "maybe, perhaps" to "well, OK, maybe just this one time..." On the other hand, sowing a few (three) seeds of doubt, in the form of "I doubt it...". A response/counterresponse pattern that has probably been passed down through many generations and now a staple in our own parenting tool chest, one we have come to rely on, now almost a reflex, "at the ready"...and yet, we still feel, on the verge of a mission...

Ill, Equipped: "I wasn't given a manual...I lack the patience...I'm just not wired to handle a child with such a personality...it's not in my wheelhouse (recent term)...I'm sick (aka "ill") and tired of all this!" And, even after assembling some rudimentary parenting tools, just when the ones we have become familiar with have become sharpened, there, lurking if not smirking at Us, comes new adversity, a parenting nightmare in the form of "I can't keep up with all this new fangled technology, the stuff my kids are picking up from other kids and You tube, even being taught in school without our awareness...the odds are stacked in their favor...it's just not fair..." Once again we find ourselves ill-equipped. And, even in those few cases we find ourselves on an even playing field, there's the other issue that makes raising kids these days an almost "Mission Impossible", when their wants, needs, complaints are...

Poorly Timed: Represented in part by "Didn't I tell you to ask me earlier, you know what time it is, some of us around here need sleep...I told you to give me more notice next time; you put off this assignment, this critical application off to the last minute and now it's a crisis for you and an inconvenience for me...this keeps happening, it's a repeating pattern for you, a nightmare..."

For You and For Me: It's always been this way, at least theoretically, if not practically speaking. That is, parents trying to get a foothold on parenting in contemporary times and, when they start to realize a new equilibrium between maintaining a modicum of control/protection balanced with opportunities for freedom/exploration (i.e., "stable-sizing", see March 5th post), along comes a "new stage". These days the ages and stages combine in a dynamic duo, that come at us at warp speed as the newest and fastest tech stuff that seems to Us to be designed largely to disrupt, disturb, perturb...A-h-h, "disruptive technologies", the latest, greatest thing to come along, intrude into our homes...supposed to "innovate" but just as often look more like "de-motivate"...making Us parents once again long for the days, ages past, the so-called halcyon days...even those that were earlier aligned with the 'eve of destruction', as in Y2K, which seem like just yesterday, where the alarm went out that the year 2000 could, based on how many PC's were programmed, be indistinguishable from the year 1900. Great, more things for Us parents to worry about, which caused me to first check that our children, while out of sight, not in mid-flight, off their PC's for just a few minutes. Kept me awake, fretting, until I saw the Kiwi's of New Zealand, 18 hours ahead, celebrating into the New Year - "Happy New Year Kids, good night...remember to turn off your PC..." And so it goes...

One Year, Millenia, to the Next: Speaking of indistinguishable...literally, as in being asked to speak, kick off a day long parenting workshop entitled "Parenting into the New Millenium" which was held, guess when? Anyways, while the worry of the actual Y2K was becoming a faint memory, the parents assembled on this Saturday had other worries on their minds. "Give them some words to parent by, words of encouragement, that will sustain their confidence in this new age..." My stated mission, if I was willing to take it on. In addition to some ingredients maximizing the development of such traits as perseverance and resilience, I offered them some tips to sustain a strong family under any conditions (two decades pre-pandemic), building up to a strong finish..."As you build your happy family through the years, you'll use more faculties than you ever dreamed one individual could possess...you'll be teacher, student, leader (sounding familiar yet?)...endless energy and stamina...no one will give you a medal, but in your heart there will be an indelible satisfaction...in your later years nothing can take away the pleasure you derive from knowing you tackled a hard job and never gave up." Words which were met with some strong, more-than-polite applause, punctuated with such comments as "Wow, that's so today, so relevant to our times!" Words and comments I could only hope for, as I was then able, almost as a 'curtain call', come back with "I'm glad you found them relevant and uplifting, as they sure served our parents well, as they came from "Child Training: A Guide to Successful Training", required reading in our mother's nursing school, published the year of my birth." 

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