Post Mission Notes, Posting...A Look Back: Parents, Proxies - ask yourself...

Post R&R Post: After you have taken a few days, weeks..."do whatever it takes, and take as much time as you need to come back in good shape, ready for whatever may come next, Mr. Phelps" A reverie, resonance on the "voice on the tape", which kicked off this mission in the first place...the same one which informed me..."you tackled a hard job and never gave up..." (see yesterday, the day before, yesteryear, here). Yep, you told the coach, when asked what you would do to reach your stated goal, "I'll do whatever it takes coach!" With great enthusiasm, vigor, full of steam. And now, whatever station in life you, yourself, might be, but likely a state of fatigue, after so much 'give-and-take', you at least feel like you did whatever it took, (as in you gived, they taked). And, following a time of restorative R&R (whatever that means to you), when you have cleansed your palate, comes a time of reflection, on "what just happened?!"

Reflect and Deflect, Fearsome Foursome: As in four key questions all individuals, groups, teams, and organizations utilize as cornerstones (sometimes in cornering the "responsible party") in reflecting on occasion, whether part of your annual review, a post-game interview, or just a casual reflection with whoever assisted you in planning this occasion: 1) what were we trying to accomplish? ("what were we thinking?!") 2) where did we hit (miss) mission objectives? 3) what (who) caused results? 4) what to include, exclude, do differently...? Easy enough in an objective setting, a reflection on objectives, but there are other more tender moments, when we as parents, and even those who have been 'parent proxies' (the adults who have had no children biologically speaking but have pitched in on many occasion with as much dedication) reflect, ask of ourselves, some of the same that we were asked by children, and those we asked as dependents. Those that have been asked through the ages...

"Can I be done now?" A question we posed to our parents, when we were in a hurried state, such as when we were gobbling down a few bites of "supper" (antiquated term?) in order to rejoin our friends waiting just outside the gate (which I made my brand)...or when we were tiring of homework or "your after-school chores" (antiquated, for sure)...or, while at practice, "coach, can't we take a break?". More globally, we as a nation and a world have, just following the second 'anniversary' of this pandemic, been begging this question as well. Regardless of our station, stage in life, we have tired of all this. Just want it to be done. Parents throughout my career as a psychologist, privileged to be allowed into so many families, have been asked the same question, over and over...

"Is our job ever done?" Whether you are still employed or having so-called "retired" from a career, whether on your terms, prompted by you wanting to re-organize your priorities, or a "re-org" of the organization with which you were aligned, it's hard to just "leave it all behind". You had a hard enough time doing this when you came home following a long day at work ("leave it at the door mat, don't try this at home", I was told), let alone de-condition yourself from "working overtime", whether your job was being a nurse, a plumber, a butcher, baker ("gotta' make the donuts...") or candlestick maker...it's become ingrained in your DNA, conditioned reflexes. Takes a while to unwind, unlearn, re-condition...But then there's parenting, a role that we assumed, whether we formally planned it out or it "...just kind of happened, one night..." whether we had children of our own or helped in the raising of the next generation of potential parents, you also find yourself contemplating...

"What have I done?" Sometimes posed as "what marks have I left?" (current term, I think, is "foot print") or "what will be my lineage?" The collective, accumulated impressions, impact, imprint you are leaving, whether deliberate or incidental (parents come to realize, as the saying goes, that "children don't just learn values, but catch them", as they watch parents and other adults, 'proxies', behave in a way that is either consistent with what they are being told or otherwise). Always a timely question, one which can re-shape behavior, to maximize a desired outcome, what you most want to be remembered for. Before the final bell, the final question, you will inevitably ask yourself, after the midnight feedings, getting them on firm feeting, finding them fleeting...

"Where did the time go?" Tender moments, all. For parents and proxies alike.