Re:working the Room: Table scraps, scrapes - from late arrivals to early de-parters

A state of be-nial: What started off innocently, under benign conditions, even with a degree of optimism, accompanied by the "best of intentions"...a great convo starter in most settings, such as this, where you are deemed to be among "polite company" (which you thought included a degree of charity, including giving you the benefit of the doubt), attempt to initiate a conversation, a dialogue even, with the party-go-er who was seated (literally) next to you, ostensibly with "great care" by the party planner, as someone with whom you might share something in common, at least relate...gets 'dis'-interpreted as being either "too intrusive!" or, on the other hand, "too impersonal😕😖"...or, in the most extreme cases, an increasing trend in today's socially hyper-sensitized world, "AGGRESSIVE!!" The latter occurring when I simply reversed, mis-pronounced a few letters on their nametag or, the curse of all curses these days, did not include the letters following their name which, when I attended a few years ago, was simply announcing, bragging about their professional attainments, but now designates something different, a different social classing I'm not quite versed in. In an attempt to re-cover, to explain it was done innocently enough, I try to re-direct, which is met with being in-formed I'm a "denier!" Geez, "damned if I do, damned if  I...I think I'll get up and stretch my legs...be back in a few..."

Convey-er, belts: So, as you move about the room, you come upon another party guest, sans prior knowledge ("where's a playlist when you need one?"), you try another time-tested approach, another opening line, one which has previously been experienced con-genially, one which may even give rise to a sustained conversation, another angle, by asking about something that adorns their evening apparel, a piece of jewelry that is glistening so brightly that it almost screams "are you listening, noticing, ask me" I 'poised' the question, "was it a gift?" (this being the holidays and all, a time when folks adorn themselves with gifts from yesteryear, especially if from an attendee) Another benign comment, seemingly well-timed, contextualized and all, genuine gesture from me, generally adept under such occasions, earns me a response suggesting other-wise: "Are you serious; I believe you are being dis-ingenuous...are you hitting on me, or just egging me on, poking fun at my family jewels...?" My only response I could muster up with such an unexpected upbraiding (word you don't see much, except under such conditions): "Thanks for the suggestion, I think I will...go and try another egg nogg, that is, as it certainly seems to be stirring things up here..."

Topping it off: As you calmly, now with a bit of stealth, moved to the center of the room, your gaze through the haze (of vape, now commonplace, even in "polite company") there you find the centerpiece at such times and occasions, a tree ("I can't tell if it's real or...dare I say..."). Deftly taking in the adornments, ornaments, while being careful not to rub elbows with the other star gazers (enough controversy for one evening), you wonder aloud, just under your breath, in hushed tones, amidst the cacophony, "I wonder if it's professionally done; it's so beautiful" Turns out that yet another innocent commentary, overheard this time by a chip in the ornament nearest me, placed there to "out" would-be commentators, gets broadcast to all within hearing distance by the sound bar also strategically placed on top of the nativity scene..."Oh, Oh" -- a change in direction, as I get looks up and down, earn a HUGE frown, from the host, I cast yet another glance, in hopes that re-direct their attention, one more chance to ingratiate...

Skirting, the issue: One more attempt to stay on the "nice" list, earn a re-invite, at least mitigate a tarnished reputation, from going viral, after already being accused of "double dipping" in the egg nogg, I subtly, in the most pleasant tones, nuanced with diplomatic brilliance, re-mark, offer the host what I thought was a term of endearment regarding the material surrounding the trunk, hiding its true nature..."My, what a beautiful skirt; is it a family heirloom...?" Well, instead of being appreciated for what it was, as in complimentary, you'd think I just committed the most atrocious social dis-judgement of 2022: "Are you oblivious?! You can't say skirt anymore in mixed company without lots of adjectives, modifiers reflecting your true intentions...and how dare you hack into my Ancestry.com...!" 

Out the door, party-ing shots: So, it's time to dis-engage as gracefully as I entered, as a late-comer (met with simply two words "you're late", with no easy come-back, none yet attempted). Well, at least I can leave under my own terms and power, while I still have a shred of dignity...at such delicate times I call upon the wisdom and social grace of one who, upon an invite to the (White) house, in a tougher spot than I, in the presence of the President, simply replied "I gotta pee..." If it worked for Forrest Gump, it will certainly work for me..." (here's hoping...)

RSVP, RIP