A case of VD

"Rocks, scissors, and sand piper" That's how I over-heard it, on the foreign network, in the context of Van conversions...as in "Vancouver, the host..." to what they went on to claim was the new national sport of football. Where we hail from, we know it as having four downs, whereas they, just across the bridge, tunnel, whatever...do things not by yards, so they shortened it to three downs, but lengthened the entire field, of play. And now, here comes the conversion, and we're not talking first downs here. Changing the whole field, and calling it a "pitch" (which I thought, past I checked, a associated with another Canadian sport, played by the Blue Jay birds). By the end of just one segment of sports, and the references to so many iterations of...went and had my hearing checked. And handed me a different diagnosis, as in a false translation. So, are you, like me, suffering from a temporary case of Vernacular Distortion?