Viral Vicissitudes

A “bye…gone” era Gone are the days -  when “You’re a goner” meant something… “I’ll take your face off” - was not only a place but an actual thing… Nose bleed section seats - were located at center ice and most coveted… Internet rivalry - arrived in our town, in the form of “there will be a slight delay, as the goalies take off their outerwear before facing off…” Prior to the puck even being dropped they dropped their oversized gloves…March 26, 1997…but now, after many years of a dry spell (is that where dry ice comes from, I wonder?)… March Madness -   has turned back to a time of gladness, the fans here have turned back, to watching the  hockey game. 🫨  

"Ice it!" Out of the mouths of...coaches (the before and after) A relative rarity. -   to have a coach yell this to a hockey player who, along with the few others sharing their shift, in order to "clear the zone!" Which involves "throwing" the already frozen puck down the frozen pond...bet ya' didn't know why they would do such a thing. Freeze an already hard rubber disc to make it..."less bouncy, easier to keep under control...?!" After which it's brought back to your end by the zebra for what's called a "face off" which, curiously, has the two players of interest facing down... More common close-up caption - out of the coaches, and into the mouths of the players, on the bench. Many parts, hidden from the camera, but the traditional "got a tooth ache' remedy. NOW  POW! we're talking jagged edges. The ones left after first, the fist, then the teeth go flying...out of their mouths, and onto the… Neutral zone ...

Declaring Victory…  “Null and void” The new trend in sports… “Reversal of fortunes” The new fortunates, being the runners up, “also rans” who were handed the trophy, after a long delay - - long enough to have examined all the accusations of cheating, signal stealing, recruiting violations…game film… “You will vacate…” The new statement that does not end with “premises” but the premise for why you have to redact your record-breaking year… Atrophy…as well  as all those blue ribbons, medals, anything that might be up on your mantle or otherwise on display, even after a long delay… Never too late … to abdicate. Not in these new agers of ("Spoiled Brats!"), that now find many collegiates "I'm leaving and taking all my winnings with me..." “ Forget about it!"  Cancel culture, meet transfer portal, where “We are the Champions” replaced with plain old “Chumps” As the saying goes, “giving back is the best way to repay fans” Just saying… Back to the suture  - Prequel...

Count them out…6, and7😖! All toed… as in “heel, toe…glide…now other foot…” These saw-like ridges allow one to dig in, spin, even get a stronger grip... Reverse direction… as in what’s termed a “pick six” in football, following an interception… Back on home ice... "Ice my back please..." So said the pair skater to his partner, who had left a distinct impression in what's anatomically called the small of the back ("her spin, my skin"😢). Toe picks...  they're   what make figure skaters (and their supporting cast!) stand out.

A sharp contrast  Between the beauty and grace - of those cutting figures, on the same sheet, of ice...here comes pond hockey! Bloody grudge match  - involving those big boys who were responsible for the NHL being on pregnant, pause...a huge number who "skedaddled" - aka abdicated their daily responsibilities to go and play what sure looks like human pinball or, just as sarcastic, to those who underappreciate this sport out of the mouths of those across the frozen pond...as overheard on BBC - - "American hooky"  (only to be followed by a grudging acknowledgement - "looks like a bloody good time")  Last in this edgy mini-series, up next: "The Jagged Edge" (hint: think toe picks)

"Feeling edgy, are we?" Go figure  Cutting remarks... and skating around the point… Spirited spiraling... "in keeping with the spirit of these Olympics, can I ask you why you chose to bail out, of the death spiral, and replace it with what looked more like a pirouette?"   Range of co-motion… while those of umpteen Olympians will now be, temporarily limited, the restrictions on the journalist are not, so much…we’re talking… Double standards… “why you promised us a quad and you popped a double…?”  One-of-its-kind …crying room - necessary after the prying, press conference. Go figure, skating "need I say more?" 

Meta - Analysis - Missing the Mark How could they… handed so much data for analysis...   from A, I, and on to Z… and then submitting it to a "statistical method that combines results from multiple independent studies to estimate an overall effect size..." No wonder it's called "Meta"... Kids at home... "OK, Mr. Z, it has gone well past eleven, can you account where your own children are...and what screen shots they are saving....Well, can you...Hellooo, can you hear me Mr. Meta, as this is  a hearing, after all - - can you please take off that VR set and join our reality show for once!" 

Kindergarten Cop 2.0 - sex ed, directed by dads...  Knowing his place: Where sex ed is dumbed down…   Where improper nouns, just pop out…  Where the difficult conversation becomes simplified… “Now that you’ve reached the age, before they get hold of you, just let me explain the heretofore parts unknown and replace them with the universal, time-tested, expedited good old school Whatchamacallit…? I mean, if it’s good enough for ma, it’s good enough for me…” Major role shift: Not so much to dads, who have happily "deferred to mom's judgement" in this sensitive area. But more importantly, "no laughing matter". Complicating matters even more- as in why so many parents abdicate their God given rites, as represented by this...talking about privates in public...schools (and now, in the broader social media). We're talking about difficult discussions.  Imperfect follow-up: "Missing the Mark"

Hurling while curling, from "Eh?" to Z  Sticks, stones... plus fragile egos...  Perfect set-up: (what started this hole thing) - small sheets of ice, laid out in parallel, within a stone's throw... "Oh, Canada..." matched up with "Swedish fish!" Hurling insults...  well  before heaving the heavy medal, overhead Double clutching:  in the arena of basketball, is one involving both strength and finesse, while double touching, your own stone in the ice arena, could heat things up beyond the melting point... Moral of the short story:  Might be an act of bravery to jump off great heights, go down a hill at breakneck speeds, fly through the air... Thicker skin required:  to be a successful Olympic curler, when insults start flying   Ceremonious: after the medals were awarded, a few fines were also handed out, for over-sweeping😖 ...on to Z: what came out of the Zamboni driver's mouth..."How in the blankety blank do they expect me to clean such a sm...

Prone and alone - intro to Skeleton running 😕 “Chill dude!”  A how to... in staying relaxed, while facing stiff competition...slip, slide...let your sled be the guide... Pronation…  "position, position, position...yourself" So said the experienced skeleton sledder to the one who looked like she was dreading the demo run...OK I've taken you as far as I can...this being a solo sport and all...Just remember to relax... Oh, this being a dummo run, we've set the max speed to 65, plus or minus... In toe-nation... - extremities condition...keep your chin just far enough off the ground...don't wiggle your tones too much, it could take you off course, completely...OK you're all set, to go-o-o-o-o!!! Crash course for dummies ("fright now, I wish they would have just used one")  Musculoskeletal... "also known as the human locomotor system..." It's what she meant when she told me..."just think of yourself as being one, with your sled"  ...

Jesse and his stumping grounds Prophetic, was he… I’m, of course, talking about Isaiah.  More specifically, as in chapter and verse, 11:1: “There shall come forth a shoot from the stump of Jesse, and a branch from his roots shall bear fruit” Whether he was serving primarily as an activist, invoking his first amendment rights, or pastoral duties preaching to us all on the top two commandments, as in reflecting God’s love by the way we love one another...even when his movements were slowed by Parkinson’s, he persevered with “Godspeed”.  Jesse Louis (ne' Burns) Jackson  - called to serve God and country for 84+ years, now on perennial call. 

“What about Bob?” Glad you asked… "Don't worry, Bob's here..." Commercially speaking...  While he didn't actually represent or do a voice over on the Accountemps commercial, he probably came to represent just about every "qualified professional..." that this temporary staffing service came to fill, on our behalf....and thus, I’m quite sure this agency had Robert Selden Duvall in mind… Boo who... all the way to J.P. (short for "Jean pepe" the last official character he played in "The Pale Blue Eye") -- the bookends of which themselves pale in comparison with the breadth but more importantly the depth of character he got in, then back out into...so many times, so deftly, that we could easily take him for granted... "You can't concoct or push ahead something other than what you have at that moment as yourself, as that character. It's you at that moment, in time..."  No, it was you, Bob, serving at our pleasure, for 95 y...

“What a Romp!” Books and looks… in revue, as in “Romper Roomers for Boomers”  Close Captioning… “marks of Cupid, left behind…” “What happens when you keep us pent up, in door recess” “Releasing our inner child as grown-ups in pull-ups…”  “Why giving at the office might have been a better option…”  Clowning with class… as in my favorite one liner from the standout who must have, in his day been the class clown…on his briefs, in brief “slippery when wet”  Intentional attention getting … while “Romper Room” (beginning its own long run in 1953) has been on recess since 1994, horrific conditions like Neurofibromatosis have not. So here comes “Cupid Undie Run” (now nationwide) - romping around town for a very worthwhile cause.  (for those who weren't present, and can bare to look, there is still a photo gallery in your local paper😳)

  “Shaken, not…deterred” Olympic trials and a tribute.  While we await, the final results... not so much as to who will be the next 007, but who will be the next high profile so-called "Bond girl" --,there's just about as much anxious anticipation as to how long it will take, for her to heal, after yet another two projected surgeries which now total more what all the other heartache, all the gut punches, his X's endured. While most of his co-stars became stars in their own right, for us there will always be the one and only that scares "The Living Daylights" (1987) out of us each and every time...she announces her retirement. I swear I overheard her, while being airlifted, "Put me down, over there...anywhere but home, James...who says You only Live Twice...?" The comeback kid - - our one and only Vonn girl! "Last one up, is a rotten egg!" Here comes yet another challenge, issued as she is (momentarily) confined to her hospital bed. 

"Potentially dangerous..."  "Sorry to interrupt this move..." It's not actually what comes out of the wrestling ref's mouth, but the casual manner in which he/she says it, when one competitor has the other in a 'predicament' that, if not interrupted, could tear a muscle, break a bone, which is why they force them to break their hold... Dangerous… potent even ,  when taken too seriously, (e.g., about serious mental health conditions being eradicated by adjustments in food intake) - but if you can learn how to tune out, at least limit what you take in, on his recommendations that come from non-refereed sources, it could render him im-potent… "No Siree Bob!"  A shortened form ("You're no Jack Kennedy...Robert"), and a message to the messenger - “It's not so much your spasmodic dysphonia, but the phony content of your speeches, that's turning me off"  

Life of a special teams coach - a SB afterthought (get the point?!) Special moments that call for special forces… “ Give ‘em a swift kick"   In order to launch them, otherwise provide an up-lift off the bench, given the amount of time they’ve been… sitting idle. While there is no I in Team there’s certainly a T, which is the whole (extra) point in the matter. As in “T it up…on the T, and if the wind keeps blowing it off, have a team member give you the finger” Now, you get the point, why it's called the 'pointing' finger...?  Special T's - as well as jerseys, depending on the field conditions, at the time they are called in. The sweat absorption types when kickers, while maintaining a cool countenance are “sweating bullets” and, on the other hand, when the other team calls a time out to “freeze” the kicker….Punters are pretty much indifferent (“what’s the point?”)  to the changing conditions. The other special tease include the most common “just step back, let us h...

"Right out of the gate...!" Points of controversy... can't have an Olympics without dramatic moments, right? And rumors that take on a lot of momentum (how apropos to the setting). Not just whether or not, she should have been able to slap them on, after tearing it up...but here, in the midst of flight, we have another new one on me (or, more accurately him, him, and him -- the Norwegian coach, the suit maker, the wearer) - - an exclusive (just what you've been waiting for, stopping him in mid-flight) the unprecedented "Crotch gate"! No, it's not the old "size matters" argument but amount of material covering this particular area that otherwise allows the wearer to "air it all out!" Butt, after further study (as in search and seizures😖), lots and lots of talking heads, finger wagging, turns out, like so many other myths of this type, to have originated out of the imaginations of some crotchety old men.  (Speaking of wagging fingers.....

All out a-salt on asphalt! Yet another pyramid scheme... but around here, on "roads less traveled" ...where the salt hits the road, before the tires hopefully do, is fondly called the "snowplow protocol" where "getting plowed" is not only socially acceptable, but a prior condition, for "clear sailing" to work for most commuters in our region. De-icing on the cake... is. ironically, found many layers below...the surface, here in the motor city. And, as it turns out, whether or not you use it on a regular basis, salt does not (are you ready for this?) actually melt the snow on ice, but simply impedes the ability to form solid ice crystals...lowering the freezing point of water...prevents the formation of the bond between pavement and snow or ice, so that roads can be cleared more quickly and easily by the road crews. Some food for thought as you clear the table, wipe the excess NaCl spill, as part of the post dinner cleaning crew...   Rock salt... ...

Same old song and dance - SB LX, "West Side Story" in revue East meets West Siders, only in "America"🎜  Only fitting, as if the organizers had this scene and location in mind, when they orchestrated, choreographed, and chose the performers. It's as if all of it was predetermined. Can only happen 309 miles north of LA -- close enough as in just a small stretch of CA highway, and even a smaller stretch of the imaginers from Hollywood, to reach back to the prototype for such a matchup from 1961 (“Sharks and Jets”🥴), which has played out on thousands of stages. Talk about staging a comeback!  Schemes and memes - mostly offensive (“East, West Coast 🏈”) whereas this turned out to be a pretty defensive engagement (where even the MVP came up empty handed, as far as TD’s were concerned). But speaking of what else the fans came out for, it turned out to be a throwback to an earlier era, where a previous engagement... Boy meets girl... and totally bowls her over, with a...

“Spot me?” Post SB poses -Celebrities, Celebrants Bowl me over… As in to be spotted on such an occasion, when there are not only so many other stars of the show, on stage, but thousands holding the same light in the perennial light show, who are told "you'll be a standout" Didn't you notice me...I was the 73rd from the left, three rows down from the upper tier, and...next to the one who kept turning theirs on and off, in an attempt to get noticed... Taste test: The one I thought I passed when the ticket seller approached me…”I could spot you a mile away…a person, not only of interest, but refined tastes…the ticket is free but the bright light that will ensure you’ll stand out…$$$” 😳 Hold outs and sold outs… As in the true Super Bowl effect, the one that eventuates in the fitness centers, ironically, 'thinning out' which, to the true 'gym rats' (“rats!”) who have already come, to realize that those finessed photos from all those commercials are the res...

“A Million Dollar, Baby!" "If you'll now , bring your attention..."  Special cases that might call for our attention, that justify quotation marks (these days usually accompanied by hand gestures), the less noticed commas, or even an apostrophe - all part of the hole left in the 'devils in the details' formulaic. Which, of course, in no small measure, include decimal points. Case in point... "Not bad bunny!" Depending on your point of view...while not actually accepting an appearance fee, half time performers benefit from the whole experience, commercially speaking, from the Super! exposure - -some more than others, as we take a look back, a sneak peak of the one that got the most replay in its day (the half time show of J.J. of SB XXX, who apparently listened to the pregame locker room speech..."put it all out there, leave nothing, to the imagination, on the field..."). A bit showy, if you ask me... "Spot on, baby!"   As in the ...

Consider, the alternatives - featuring the un-feted (part 2 of "trials and tributes")  Alternates, for short... who, despite the best campaigns, trials, and tribulations, come up just a little bit...you'll find them in every professional field, while not actually on  the field, not just yet.... Consideration... as in worth yours, a second look, that is. Stand-outs, in their own right...right? The ones that are left, to "hold down the fort" until the starters, who made it to "the big dance" are left to fill their own dance card, with other alternates, I would guess... Sent packing... ones that, like their teammates, taught by their coaches, how to fit the most in duffle bag, have the double challenge, of taking their warm-ups and game jerseys in and back out of the bag, keeping them both 'game ready' ("wash, rinse, repeat...") while filling in for their absent teammates... Staying on track... while waiting off. As in tracking your team...

"Off they go, to the Ozempics!"  (for those who qualify) While here I sit and shrug, my shoulders... which are still sore after all the trials...suffering from poor posture, while sitting...on the bench. With respect to sports, I didn't get much...always coming up, just a "too little, too late" side of the scorer's table. As in Rodney Dangerfield's "No Respect" routine played out, off the field of play - - as I usually didn't make it on. I mean, even in pregame, when choosing up sides, I was either the "oddest man out" or the "Player to be named later" on trade day...MUCH later. And prior to practice when jerseys were being handed out, I thought I finally landed some luck when getting the coveted number, until I read "Absolute" in bold letters over the "Zero". Well, I held my head up proudly (explaining the stiff neck), even as the season began, when I found myself on "Injured Reserves" with...

"I'll stick with Mick" From his mouth... became music to our ears, from Mr. Mayo...Smith, the manager of the '68 Tigers... "Bless You Boys!" became the collective refrain...especially if we saw... Mick, on the Mound a familiar sight, throughout his twelve-year MLB career here, sometimes more than others. Such as during the month of October, 1968 -- whereas in more modern times, it's an oddity to see a starting pitcher last the whole nine (aka "going the distance") -- witness the rise of specialists, ranging from "mid-innings relievers, on to "finishers" -- "Mick the brick" went the cycle three times in the span of one ("World") series no less! Almost unnoticed by those elsewhere, who were paying homage to another Mick, who was, in baseball lingo, rounding third, headed to home, in pinstripes (NY Yanks), and also eclipsed closer to home by his own teammate who made it all the way to 31...wins, which helped him ...

Charting the growth, of stag-nations (only a slight deviation...) “Growing up straight and tall” A good way to carry oneself under any circumstances and well endorsed as an aspiration of all… “Alone but not lonely” A separate category that has to do with those who tend to do things in their own…as in the growth of autonomous vehicles.... “Going Dutch” Or, putting it another way, “share and share alike” if/when we might meet, for lunch or whatever…a place of equality… “ Just the way you are ” A strong endorsement from, say, grandparents on behalf of cherubs, or a more general term of endearment said ‘in the moment’. But wait, there's (not) more... “ Say it isn’t so, dear…” Beyond going slow, waiting until things, are just…so… “ Going stag” Or solo, no “plus one”, sans dance partner, going home empty handed - a growing trend throughout many so-called developed nations that could, if unabated, envelop and then outdate us, as in going beyond zero growth, even into the minus column, lea...

Slighting scale and navigational chartings, for 2026: a Truth serum Tuesday   "Tell me the truth..." “On a scale from 1…” is getting slighted slightly less or more serious than outright rejection ? How about being slight, in stature, that gives the other more than, a slight advantage...or not caring, in the slightest... And, any discussion on slightings would be incomplete, at least postponed …”just a slight delay” If you’ve not been slighted, you probably don’t have the slightest idea… "It's on you, after all..." when sizing yourself up, to allow for at least slight shrinkage...Otherwise, could be a case of being short slighted😖 "Talk about getting slighted...in sports" An Ozempic sized pre-trial (“take it from the expert.”) - up next.

A profile, in courage  The rumor mill, sets its sights on Phil Only a matter of time -  that this cute critter who stood up proudly, to the test of time... A time-tested tradition - now a subject of contrition... PETA bred - why Phil has fled. A group of animal activists who, it is rumored unleashed a plot, with the help of who else but Mr. HHS himself: "You've had your Phil, now swallow this pill, you're just suffering from overconsumption..." Speaking of... While weighting on Phil... "Let them eat cake...but only the vegan variety"   And what's all that noise about a grand weather reveal... Nor'easter - weather or not you like it, the rumor mill swept the whole eastern seaboard...talk about a storm of protest, when they announced that even Ground Hogs' Day has gone vegan. Talk about a shady operation; now we're talking a prolonged winter, of discontentment. Which left him, few options...  Milling around -  with the rest of the spies in the ...

"And...away we go!"  (Slip, slidin' away...🎝) “The difficult conditions…” I inherited from the previous administration, and the accumulation of…. The final say... nothing else in my way...time to head out, after I had time to clear mine. Blurred vision, and a bit shaken after all the stirring. The post mayoral election here, which explains all the confetti. Or what now is an acceptable substitute, to minimize the inevitable clean-up... Promising transparency... along with what we around here, like to call "even handedness" which we can only hope, after all the fallout, will finally, end up in a level playing field... In a roundabout way... after I finally got around to it, the promise I made to fix the roads which in our town go only one way, in a circular pattern, and now shrouded with snow. Speaking of cover ups... "I'm b-a-a-ack!" And here to stay, for my own good. Think we have it tough around here...take my word for it, it's not worth the...