Viral Vicissitudes

EFFECTIVE   En(Counters), Counter(Acting) "Difficult": Pause before Claws Critical Thinking, Critical Terms, Criticism: All of which are critically, instrumentally involved, primarily responsible for the (In) Effectiveness  of engaging pugnacious people, quarrelsomeness..."Difficult Children" (see previous few posts for elaboration and operational definition). Accepting "My Terms" here is critical in reading, absorbing, and effectively   implementing  the ideas and strategies from the next few posts. And why, I'm bothering to bother you with what appears to be trivia, minutiae. It's not just that today is Halloween as I write this, but also because in the best laid, conceptualized plans, the "devil's often in the details". So, I offer just a few operational definitions of terms that, once you have "Accepted" ("click here"), will allow you a better chance yourself to pause, think, and more effectively  respond, perh...

Shaping (A) Character, Dealing with Defiance: Finding (dis) Harmony (1 of 3?) Talk about futility...utility, exercises: Shaping the trait of defiance , that is. Taking on the challenge of "bending their will, short of breaking their (or your) spirit..." Going from daily, what seems to be continuous encounters of conflict, to (relative) harmony...with children (or adults you are forced to deal with on a frequent basis due to proximity, whether at home, work, whose company you have probably had the pleasure of keeping even more the past several months), whose primary personality feature seems to lead with "Wanna' fight?!"...so "Oppositional", so "Off Putting", such a "Pain in (my) butt"! Well, if you are forced to deal with them and don't want to either "beat 'em or join 'em", then you'll probably appreciate this post(s) embedded within the larger series on "Character".  A Fan Favorite: Throughout h...

Raising Cain, What a (Mis)Match; what an exercise in futility...utility!   A Historical Perspective: Whose to blame, primarily responsible, spheres of influence, in shaping a child's, eventually an adult's personality, CHARACTER has, of course, been a HUGE topic, a considerable preoccupation of psychologists since psychology became a legit area of study and eventually produced...well, psychologists of course (we, psychologists frequently get accused of wandering into this field because we can't figure ourselves out so we focus on others as a distraction😖). A few major schools of thought regarding the early forces of influence on the development of child/adult personality range from Freud and his theory regarding fixations (e.g., if certain things do/don't happen during certain early stages an individual can continue to be preoccupied, or 'fixated'...many times implicating the mother, of course!) to the B.F. Skinner and the Behaviorists (the main theory of ...

You asked for this: What (A) Character! An Exorcise of Futility One Year On: Almost exactly a year ago (10-19-20) I wrote to you regarding character, traits, that are instrumental in helping you endure a major challenge, as well as to (hopefully) bounce back after major stressors, a calamity has finally passed (i.e., 'post traumatic times'). Namely, those of perseverance  and   resilience , which can take you from surviving back to thriving. The same post also included a reference to a sort of conundrum of character, traits, how most major traits (e.g. "compassionate", "sensitive", "intense") are multidimensional, can have more than one side (like the object inside the "Magic 8 Ball", is my usual reference, probably because I have two in my office), can play out quite differently depending on the situational circumstances, and depending on the 'eye of the beholder' (e.g. I enjoy "intense" people in my office because they...

Are You Serious?! Want more of this ?! I could just...scream!!! A sudden departure, an exercise in screamology... Not enough anxiety in da' house, eh? I started writing to you about the increase in fear and anxiety I knew was coming along with the forces of the pandemic. Based on previous professional and personal experience, I knew that the onslaught of major life changes (that was associated with "Stress Management" when I first entered the field in the mid-70's), "Changes in Direction" (see July 6th, 7th, 2020 posts), and other such vicissitudes  (see original title plus intro to blog) would bring with them a corresponding increase in what we all refer to as ANXIETY. Many posts dedicated to this character from "Inside Out" (subsumed under the character of "Fear" in the movie) as you well know if you have been a follower here. Including how it's part of all our lives, sometimes showing up as an intruder, unwelcome, a drain, a pain, ...

Exercises in Utility, Futility - A Prequel: In an Around the/your House Defining Moments, Terms, Limits: - Prequel:  a story or movie covering events that precede those of an existing work, as in... "I'm not gonna stand for this, for you taking such a strong stand...if you don't start to listen, you're gonna be in big trouble...there's gonna be hell to pay...I'm gonna hold you in contempt...you're gonna lose all your privileges...now, just get outta my face...go to your room!" Or, as in... "The House voted to hold Mr. X in contempt...he defied...for his role in the attack, assault, insult...the principles of persecution...he refused to comply...power of inquiry...all hell is going to break loose...he has made it clear where his loyalties lie...acting in defiance...we'll at least have to censure him; if not..." Or, as in...  "A newly appointed senator who fights against a corrupt political system...his idealistic plans promptly collid...

  Exercises in Utility...Futility: Shaping Up, Character - Intro.        Even to a casual visitor to this blog, two of the more common themes with which I preoccupy myself and therefore occupy this space, which I have in turn sought to make fan favorites here, include shaping   up !, getting into shape (literally), promoting physical and mental fitness, promoting stamina to take us through these pandemic months as well as for the long haul...and those in building, shaping   character  (as in "shape up!")...no matter what age or station in life you find yourself, whether as a parent you are trying to forge your child's traits that you even sensed in utero or you, yourself, are trying to 'reimagine' your personality, at least taking a few moments of reflection to 're-harness'  your own character traits -- those that have been more predominant throughout your formative and developmental years thus far, those reflected in your everyday behav...

  Re-Eval-You-Ate: Building Blocks, Tumbling Dominoes (?) J-I-T: Yep, just in time, just before the Halloween candy gets consumed, just prior to the big feasting holidays of November and December roll in around these parts at least, just in time before your resolve to sustain whatever semblance of healthy habits you resumed as the pandemic restrictions began easing really get tested -- the resolve to continue exercising in/out as the weather turns following the leaves turning around here, to eat healthy (OK, just one more piece of your kid's candy), and turn off screens in the evening for good sleep hygiene. About ten months after you may have made casual or formal resolutions to get and stay healthy in any of these three areas, about a year after the whole pandemic mess had complicated many lifestyles, made it challenging for some to sustain efforts while kids were at home learning, and/or you, yourself experienced a change in work schedule or other routine. And, about two months ...

First Words...Lasting Impressions Greetings and Salutations! So, how would you feel if, upon greeting someone for the first time, coming to my office for an initial visit, you are told, "This is a last ditch effort...an act of desperation...we are only here because we ran out of options..." Would you consider this a strong endorsement? Despite the negative resonance, I have come to process these words as an opportunity to serve, as well as pressure to perform (because, if I  can't help them, what are they gonna do, where are they gonna go from here?) On the other hand, how would you be impacted if instead, the newcomer cited, "You come highly recommended...you have a strong reputation..." Highly affirming, no less a pressure to perform (HIGH expectations!) and no doubt an equally compelling invitation to be of service. Both being trumped by daughter informing me that, after years of building up relationships with other professionals, schools, and community group...

  Soaking it all in...water, sunshine in abundance, but... Water, water everywhere...                                                                                                                             Nor any drop to drink...        From "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" by Samuel Taylor Coleridge, published in 1798, a vivid illustration of a situation in which, despite being surrounded by something, you can't benefit from it (i.e., while literally dying of thirst you can't drink of ocean water due to its salinity...well, you can but the results would not be sustaining) --a tragic tease. Or, slightly different wording, in the midst of plenty, you a...

DON'T  Sweat it; it's the pits! (Beyond) A Surface Level Understanding So Grand, Gland on hand: Sweat glands, that is...cool! Underappreciated, but not under-represented, as you have 2-4 million of them, distributed all over your body (with the exception of your nails, ears, and lips)...in some areas found in such concentrations up to 370 per cm on your palms (go ahead, start counting, before you get sweaty palms and can't hold your phone to take a close-up...no wonder so many batting, golf, and truckloads of other athletic gloves are in demand)...ranging from the "eccrine" found in large numbers on the soles of your feet, forehead, cheek (and, of course, the pits!), all of which secrete an 'odorless' clear fluid that helps the body control its temperature by producing heat loss through perspiration, then evaporation (COOL again!)...or, as in the "apocrine" glands, found once again in the pits (go ahead and try to see which are which), groin area...

What Price, Good Will? All-Truism-ish... The debate continues: In grad school in animated discussions regarding 'higher order' psychological constructs, virtues --animated in part thanks to the instant java we consumed prior to and throughout class (when was the last time you gulped down an instant joe, yuk!!) one of the perennial favorites was  "Is there true altruism , or is it just an 'act'?" Do people really "act on the belief in or practice of disinterested and selfless concern for the well-being of others?" or, as in zoology, "the behavior of an animal that benefits another at its own expense". And we held such debates decades before the culture of 'selfie' came into prominence. Some aspiring psychologists in our group held the viewpoint that if you did something in the spirit of selflessness, primarily driven by good will, that was sufficient to label it as an act of altruism, whereas others argued that even if you experience...

  Experiencing disdain? Time for refrain... A Rising Tide, A Torrent of sorts: As in "A rising tide raises all boats", a literal as well as metaphorical application around these parts, these days...from the actual floods around the nation, the world, as well as our own neighborhood earlier this summer (clean-up just getting completed for some, arguments with insurance companies ongoing), which actually followed the torrent ("a violent or forceful flow of liquid"). And here we are, all of us also experiencing and witnessing a flood of emotions, a torrent of sorts ("a sudden, violent and copious outpouring of something, typically words or feelings" Numerous reports, documentaries in the written and visual media, for example, on the increased numbers of us who have been experiencing more anxiety and sadness/depressive symptoms due to in no small measure to the forces of the pandemic. I started writing about these strong emotions early and often, the presence ...

"Improvise, adapt, overcome" (Clint Eastwood, "Heartbreak Ridge, 1986) "Thanks for adapting, for being a good sport" (high school custodian, 8-15-21) Triad, tried: Whether issued from an iconic actor playing the gunnery sergeant (we should all have one, need one when preparing to enter a hellacious battle), or offered as a way of apology from a local protector of public property, the quotes bring to mind the unofficial slogan of the United States Marine Corps, and three critical components for meeting the larger challenges in life, such as those I often write about here -- including, but exclusive to, the persistent pandemic associated with a virus and its variant(s). We all have these in us to varying degrees and there are both universal and personal circumstances we can relate to, which have called upon them. As well as people in our lives, perhaps not quite as 'charismatic' as Clint, who have tired to motivate, call us out in such times. If only he h...

HELP! Wanted: Motivational Speakers, Motivators. Speaking of Motivation... Motivation, Wanting: One would think, expect that, when the forces of the current pandemic began ebbing a bit, when we were all allowed, invited even, to go back out, "come back" to the office, back to "In Person" school, after a sustained period during which the main mantra was "when this is all finally over, I'm gonna...I can't wait to..." would eventuate in lots of action, engagement  across mental, physical, and social domains. What I've seen (actually more what I have not  seen) and heard lately has looked quite different. Surprise! Instead of a torrent of mental, social, and physical activity, after pent up demand, after people saying they would come back all "psyched up" followed by sustained drives toward various goals, what I have seen and heard in and out of my office, on zoom and in person, indicates that these collective intentions have yet to come ...